ORLANDO, Fla. — Twenty-five years after the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks, Orlando Fire Department Lt. Felix Marquez still remembers the moment chaos at the World Trade Center suddenly became silent.
“The eerie part that always stays with me is how chaotic it was and then when the debris hit down, how silent it became,” Marquez said. “Like you heard nothing, like you had earmuffs on.”
Marquez was finishing a paramedic shift with New York City’s emergency medical services on Sept. 11, 2001. Instead of going home, he would spend the days that followed searching through rubble for victims.
Nearly 3,000 people were killed in the attacks.
Twenty-five years later, Marquez said he does not define himself by what happened that day.
“I don’t look at myself, I don’t wake up every day saying I’m a 9/11 survivor,” he said. “I wake up every day saying I’m a firefighter.”
Marquez has now served with the Orlando Fire Department for 21 years.
‘Remember the courage’
For Marquez, remembering Sept. 11 also means remembering the people who ran toward danger while others were trying to escape.
“I want to teach these younger guys, don’t remember just the tragedy. Remember the courage,” Marquez said. “Everybody that day went into a building, whether it be police, fire, EMS, even civilians. Everyone was running towards a structure most people ran away from. They paid the ultimate sacrifice.”
That message has become increasingly important as Marquez works with younger firefighters who may have little or no personal memory of the attacks.
He said the lessons from Sept. 11 continue to influence the way first responders train and prepare.
“We have to constantly communicate. Constantly prepare. Train every day,” Marquez said. “Training matters, communication matters, brother and sisterhood matters.”
Marquez said complacency can have serious consequences in emergency work.
“We can’t get complacent; we have to continue,” he said. “Hope for the best but prepare for the worst. When you do that, you go out there every day prepared.”
Years of survivor’s guilt
The impact of Sept. 11 followed Marquez long after he left Ground Zero.
He said he spent years avoiding conversations about what he had experienced, including with his own family.
“What I realized in that dark space was for many years I never talked about it. Not even to my own family,” Marquez said. “I felt if you don’t talk about it, you’ll forget about it. I realized quickly that you don’t forget about it.”
Marquez said he also struggled with survivor’s guilt.
“I suffered for many years with survivor’s guilt,” he said. “The Lord saved me so I can continue to serve.”
He now speaks openly about the importance of mental and emotional health for first responders.
“Not only is it important to be physically healthy but to have good mental and emotional health,” Marquez said. “It’s OK to ask for help, to feel weak. We have to take care of ourselves.”
Marquez said first responders can sometimes mistake discussing emotions for weakness.
“We feel talking about emotions becomes a sign of weakness,” he said. “In no sense; showing that struggle shows a sign of courage.”
‘The reason I survived is so I continue to serve’
Marquez has turned his experience into a role as an educator and mentor for younger firefighters.
For him, the meaning of surviving that day has changed over the past quarter-century.
“Now I look at 25 years, the reason I survived is so I continue to serve,” Marquez said. “Look at me now is what I say.”
He described his life since Sept. 11 simply:
“It’s a story of a man who survived and served. A man who became an educator and taught, and a man who mentors the young in the service.”
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